I am almost 55 years old and I have learned a lot in those years. Especially the last 30 years. The hardest lesson I learned is that I am responsible for my own happiness. What I really hope is that while I was learning this difficult life lesson, I wasn’t a whiner.
Nothing is much worse than listening to someone bitch about how unfair their life has turned out. One of the other things I’ve learned is to just walk away, keep my mouth shut. The whiner only wants to whine. They don’t want the truth or even help.
Just about every unhappy situation I’ve found myself in, I had a hand in putting myself there. Sometimes unhappiness is simply moodiness. So I wait a few hours (not days or weeks) and the feeling wanes.
But when the unhappiness is like a dark cloud following you everywhere you turn, it may be time to take a real look at your life choices.
I’ve worked jobs I hated because I needed a roof over my head and food in my belly. I’ve selected where I needed to live because I didn’t have a car and I need to walk to work. I’ve been fiercely lonely and scared when I made the decision to leave my drug addicted husband whom I loved with all my heart.
What I’ve learned is if I’m truly unhappy I need to look inward and ask myself some hard questions. Every difficult, unhappy situation I have found myself in was a direct result of choices that I made. Other people may have been involved. Other people may have made me promises. But life is a two way street. It all boils down to choices.
If you’re unhappy and you think “If only,” it may be time to put your big girl panties on and start making better decisions. If you’re unhappy take a long hard look in the mirror and then decide you are going to be happy. Make the changes that need to be made by YOU!
- Cast aside
I’m beginning to feel –
We’ve all heard and probably even said “If I knew then what I know now………” Sure, we can all look back and see things that we would do differently. If you’re like me, you probably even can recall someone telling you from their own experience that you shouldn’t do this or that at the time you were considering doing this or that. But like all the inexperienced before us and all of those who come afterwards, we have to learn from our own mistakes.
Which brings me to something that has been on my mind for a while now. What do you do when you see someone making life choices that you consider poor? Well, I’m keeping my mouth shut. Especially since I wasn’t asked for an opinion or any advice.
But it is hard. Particularly when someone has already made some less than stellar choices. But they are their choices. Nevertheless, it is hard to sit back and watch someone start down a road that probably has nothing but rough patches and heartache. Of course, I really don’t know how it will all turn out. But I do have my own lifetime of experiences to draw on. I may not have faced the same choices, but I did have similar choices or witnessed others making similar choices.
I guess working through failures is just part of being human. Maybe you have to really live with a mistake to learn from it. But I do question the intelligence of someone who keeps making the wrong life choices over and over and over. Then crying and wondering “Why this always happens to me?”
I guess you just have to sit and wait patiently for their maturity level to reach the point where they realize that they made the choice. No one forced them. I’ve come up with a short list of things I have learned. They may seem vague, but I believe they are important.
- I am in charge of me. That includes all of my actions and all of my feelings
- I can depend on myself.
- Regardless of how it affects others I will do what is best for me.
- I take ownership of my choices. The good ones and the bad ones.
- Life is not fair. It will never be fair.
- You cannot let your now influence your choices for the future.
- Nothing is ever as bad as it seems.
- Assume nothing. If you need to know for sure, ASK!!
- Don’t live in a fantasy world. You have to wake up at some point and it ain’t going to be pretty in 20 years, 10 years, 5 years, or maybe even the day after tomorrow. So you might as well face the facts.
- It really is darkest right before the dawn.
- I will wear more lipstick
- I will insist on road trips and vacations
- I will spend less time on the computer
- I will be the best employee that I can be
- I will spend more time with friends and family
- I will began a real research of my roots
- I will visit cemeteries
- I will redecorate my office
- I will drink more water and get more sleep
- I will relax
- I will be weird and not worry about it
- I will be kind
- I will eat less bread regardless of how much butter is available.
- I will let people know that I appreciate them
- I will give myself spa days
- I will be more positive
- I will cook more
- I will purge negative people from my life
- I will restock my wine fridge
- I will climb back on the Weight Watchers Wagon
- I will buy an Echo from Amazon
- I will blog more
- I will buy note cards and use them.
- I will get all those routine medical things done
- I will exercise
“May your coming year be filled with magic & dreams and good madness. I hope you read some fine books and kiss someone who thinks you’re wonderful, and don’t forget to makes some art – write or draw or build or sing or live as only you can. And I hope somewhere in the next year, you surprise yourself”. – Neil Gaiman
Don’t judge me by my red cup. I have seen the same internet meme many times after the so called Red Cup “controversy”. I use quotation marks because I only saw the backlash against the so called controversy. I’m well aware that one man posted a video about Starbucks lack of “Christmas” icons on their cups. I’m also aware that that particular idiotic video went viral. (And may I say “Thank you internet!!” for giving this idiot a platform. ) But what I never saw was a general “uprising” against Starbucks and their plain red cup.
But what I am seeing is this:
Every time I see this, it really pisses me off. It comes across as very judgmental to me. Like I shouldn’t be spending my money the way that I want. Or maybe it’s saying that I’m stupid because I stop at Starbucks for a cup of coffee.
I looked this morning when I stopped for my “$7.00” cup of coffee and even asked the barista and the most expensive cup of coffee on their menu today is $5.95 and that’s for their seasonal drinks. So first of all stop exaggerating!
My normal cup of Starbucks is $3.65. I don’t get one every day, but at least two – three times a week I do. But If I wanted to get a cup of Starbucks coffee every single day of the week and each one cost $15.00 a cup, that is no one’s business but mine.
You don’t know what my giving record is. You don’t know what I give to charities! You don’t know what I’ve done for my friends, relatives, acquaintances, or community! So shut the hell up and mind your own freaking business!
I’ve worked my entire life and if I want to splurge on coffee or anything else, it’s no one’s business but my own. Maybe I need to come to your house and go through your cabinets, pantry, and refrigerator and pass judgement on what you’re putting into your body. Maybe I need to take a look at your finances and see where your money is going.
So go back to your trolling and leave me the hell alone.