Well, I wasn’t going to do it. It’s sort of cliche to do a birthday blog. Especially if you’ve neglected your blog for so long. But here it is, my birthday blog.
I guess it’s just normal to reflect as your birthday approaches. Especially as you get older. People have always said that time flies as you get older. I’m here to tell you that that particular phrase is 100% true. It’s seems like I just blinked my eyes and December is almost over and 2017 is coming to a close.
This year I turn 56. I’m finding that as each year comes and goes (in a flash) that aging really doesn’t bother me. In fact, I’m kind of enjoying it. The filter has been turned way down and the blinders were torn off long ago.
I vividly remember turning 18. Wasn’t that like, just a couple of years ago? 38 years ago? Are you kidding me! I remember it was icy. How exciting to turn 18. I was never thinner. So young, so innocent. Well, a little innocent. I was officially an adult.
I don’t remember turning 20. I was married to my first husband. (You know…..I did a whole blog series on that.) I guess I’ve blocked all of that out. I really have no memory of it. That’s when I started building my wall. You know, the proverbial “wall” of protection we erect to let our soul heal. Yeah, that took some time. During my 20’s I received a long letter from a suitor who talked about my “wall” and how he was tired of trying to get around it.
I vaguely remember turning 30. Things were better then. I was independent. I was surrounded by friends. But I remember turning 30 and thinking “I better get this show on the road!” I wanted a family. Children of my own. You know, the white picket fence.
40 was bad. I had Doug, but I didn’t really feel safe yet in that relationship. When I turned 40, I felt like a failure. I felt like life had passed me by. I looked at my life and wondered “How did I end up here?” I started my series of “what ifs” What if I had finished college? What if I had gone away to college? What if I had gone to the South campus and not the Northwest campus? The Northwest campus of TCC was were I ran into an old boyfriend and then ended up marrying him. What a wasted effort. That bad marriage affected me for years. If I was honest, I would admit that it still affects me.
Then I turned 50! 50 was AMAZING! I loved 50!! I finally felt like ME! I was me and I was happy with me. Yes, I had made some major mistakes in my life. But who hasn’t. During my 50’s I have learned to let all of that go. (Ok, occasionally it bogs me down.)
Today I am 56! I know that I have more life behind me than I do before me. But what a great 6 years it has been. It has been amazing! I laugh loudly! I speak my mind. (Maybe more often than I should.) I live with the love of my life and my soulmate. I am 100% comfortable in my relationship and know that I am right where I need to be. If I need a little push, he is there to push me. If I need a hug, a kiss, or a pat on the back, he is there for that as well.
Life truly did begin for me at 50. I’m looking forward to seeing what the last 4 years of this decade holds for me. Then I’m going to buckle up and hold on for the ride to come when I hit 60!!
I’m on the hunt for who I’ve not yet become.