He began to deal drugs. But I was like the three little monkeys. “Hear no evil”, “See no evil”, “Speak no evil”. There were teenagers on bicycles coming to the door to purchase pot. I would simply say “It’s for you.” He went to jail on a probation violation. He was on probation when we married for “unauthorized use of a vehicle.” This happened right before he dropped out of school for a year and left the state and lived in Steamboat Springs for a while. When he returned to Fort Worth, with his father’s help he was able to get a ten year probation rather than go to jail. I don’t know who put up his bond originally. But I’m getting off track.
One day as I was leaving work, I had a really weird feeling. When I got home and reached for the door knob, something felt wrong. John didn’t go to work that day. He was asleep and I couldn’t wake him. There was a bottle of pills by the bed with his step dad’s name on them. I called his stepdad and he came over and took care of it. I have no memory of what we did. I couldn’t tell you if we took him to the hospital or what. But I don’t think we did. I remember his stepdad telling him, “If you really wanted to kill yourself you should have told me. Those pills were old. I could have given you something to get the job done.” Or something along those lines. I should have taken that suicide attempt as a wakeup call. But I didn’t.
At some point he was jailed again for a probation violation. He was in jail for a while. I remember my mother and I standing in line on Christmas day to leave candy. That was the only time you were allowed to leave anything.
His dealer fronted him crystal meth to sell. Crystal meth, mainlined, was his drug of choice. But he wasn’t really particular. There were other drugs involved. He even huffed paint at some point. Looking back, it’s funny how I went to the dealer with him and yet we never discussed his drug use. I remember him once paying for my hair cut with a line of something. Crystal, I assume. But I’m not sure. During this time period we were still living in Riverside. At some point, my grandmother was even living with us. But it’s all mixed up in my memory.
He played the guitar. He had played the guitar for years and that was his passion. When I first met him we would go every weekend to Aledo to his friend Nick’s house and they would jam. Later he would build a room in the attic and somewhat insulated it for a jam room. While dealing the crystal meth, he did more than he sold. He over dosed. He had been up for days and days and days. He decided to build a spiral staircase in the kitchen to get to the room in the attic. He built it in a day. It was horrific!!!
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