Reconnecting with people and making new friends makes me happy. I enjoy sitting down with someone and finding out about their life’s journey. Where they’ve been, what they’ve done, what they’ve experienced. I’m a happy person and I enjoy being around happy people. Don’t get me wrong. I’m not in a blissful state of mind all the time. Frequently I am pissed off, upset, irritated, and some times just plain mean. But more often than not, I am in a chirpy, friendly, happy mood.
I understand that we have all gone through difficult times. Times of trials and tribulations. I’ve been through my own difficult times and I’m pretty sure that there are more awaiting me down the road. In my walk through life I have met people who have gone through horrific events and tragedies. A lot of these people walk through fire and come out the other side with a smile on their face and a story to impart.
I have friends that are going through very difficult times this very minute. They are in the midst of their trials. They need someone to hear them when they cry out for advice, assistance, and understanding. They have a right to expect their fellow-man to hear them and give them a shoulder (at the very least) to cry upon. To lean upon for a time. These are not the sort of people I was envisioning when I started this rambling.
I’m thinking of the people who are constantly at odds with themselves, their circumstances, or other people. In my experience these whiners usually fall into one of three categories. Each one worse than the one before, in my opinion.
Bad: The egotistical whiner. This person doesn’t necessarily have troubles. They just don’t understand why “someone” is doing so much better than them. This could be financially, socially, or a multitude of other reasons. They say things out loud like “I deserve ‘That’ more than they do.” “That” could be anything from a particular job, relationship, or just about any kind of success. Instead of recognizing someone else’s success, they are jealous or covetous of it.
Worse: The poor me! This person frequently makes poor choices and decisions and never ever learns a thing from their mistakes. They don’t understand it and they aren’t afraid to tell you all about their latest problems. They aren’t aware that their situation is of their own making. They also may suffer from some sort of selective amnesia. For instance, they’ve forgotten that they told you how they’ve blown their money in the last few weeks and suddenly don’t have money for the important stuff. You know the little things, like food, clothing, and housing.
Worst: The Backpackers – This is the worst of all whiners and complainers. They take every single tiny “offense” that they feel as been visited upon them and tuck them away for future use. They hang on to them. They take them out and caress them. They dust them off and visualize them. They embrace what they conceive as a deliberate belittlement or put down. They don’t want to let go of it. No matter how old it is or when it happened. They like carrying it around with them. They pull it out to show you that they are justified in their indignation.
I have found as I’ve grown older that my tolerance for these types of people has dropped to an all time low. I like to think I’m there for a friend who needs someone to talk to. BUT if you are constantly bringing your problems to the same person over and over, you might want to reconsider. You might want to evaluate what kind of friend you are.
If you are the egotistical whiner, you might want to let someone else “shine” for a little while. Not everything revolves around you. Friendship is a two way street. If I find myself withholding happy information from you because I worry about your reaction, I may have to reconsider our friendship.
If you are “poor me” and are constantly sharing your trouble with me, you might want to just keep those thoughts to yourself. Try to find a balance. Share some good information with me, no matter how small. There is enough going on in the world to bring me down, I don’t need a “friend” to do it. If you can’t solve your day to day problems, I can’t either. It’s not that I don’t care, I’m just tired of the constant stream of issues.
And finally if you are a backpacker, put the it down and walk away from it. I think you will know if you are a backpacker if you just think back to some conversations you’ve had with me or anyone else. If you’ve said “I remember in 6th grade he called me “insert rude name here.” If you tell any friend something that someone did to you ten or more years ago you can not be a very happy person. Apparently you are keeping some kind of score or record. I don’t know what. But its irritating.
All of these people are wallowing in some kind of self pity mud hole. They seem to take some kind of pride from being a martyr. A martyr in their own mind. Stand up, shake it off, put one foot in front of the other. Try to spread a little sunshine. And for goodness sake get off the cross, someone else needs the wood!!.